Run Forrest, Run!

Ok, so I have a pretty funny story to tell.  It further demonstrates that I'm forever the optimist...everyone is friendly and nothing will ever happen to me...except this past Monday.  On Monday, Luke had his surgery to remove the birthmark from his cheek (see previous post).  He did phenomenally well and he's such a champion.  Well Monday night rolls along and I'm hungry.  The hospital food just isn't very good and I needed some fresh air.  I think to myself, "Mmmmm, I could sure go for a chocolate shake and some nuggets.  And I could sure use the walk to clear my head."  So I embark on a half-mile walk through the ghetto in Detroit, a walk I've made several times in the past.  But this time was different.  This time, Sharon said, "Don't go, it's not safe."  But I was hungry...

So I'm walking on a sidewalk down a busy road while talking to my mother.  The Mickey Ds is in sight, but I see four guys on the other side of the fence (by the sidewalk).  They're just staring at me and one lifts up his arm and yells "Rah!"  It was definitely weird, but I figured they're just trying to scare somebody and have a little fun.  No big deal.  I keep walking and they follow me.  I stop, they stop.  I hang up, walk some more, they follow.   So at this point, two of them splintered off and one slips through the fence and walks right next to me.  I stop and say, "What's up?"  He says, "Nuthin."  So I'm walking down the street with this guy and then I say, "What's your problem?"  He says, "Just give me your phone and we won't have any problems."  Even if he asked for dirty underwear, I wasn't giving this jerk anything.  I said, "You're not getting my phone" and I walk some more.  He raises his voice and the Mickey D's is in sight and I figured I'll jog to the McDs and be fine, end of story.  So I start running and surprise this guy.  Since he was basically wearing jeans to his knees, I left him in the dust, but I turned around and saw him holding his pants up and running after me!  Then I notice his three other friends running and getting in position.  

I got to McD's, and pull the handle.  Closed!  I turn around, and there's two guys directly in front of me, one to my left about twenty yards away and one to my right about twenty yards.  The first thing I thought to myself was, "Why in the heck is this stupid restaurant closed at 9:30!"  Then I turned to the guys and we had a friendly discussion:)  He says, "Just give me your phone and there won't be no problems."  His friend is right behind him.  They were in their low twenties.  I'm thinking "I've got a bazillion legal emails on this phone and I'm not about to let this moron run off with it."  I say, "You're not touching my phone."  Then he has his hand in his sweatshirt pocket and says, "Don't make me shoot you."  It seemed loose, so I wasn't worried about a gun.  Trying to make some friends, I say, "I can't believe yall are doing this to me, I voted for Obama."  No, I didn't vote for him, and yes, I did say that.  I was sort of expecting a hug or a high five, but I got neither.  So then came plan B.  I kick off my loafers (because they were giving me problems on the first jog) and I make a move to the Shell station about 50 yards away.  The main guy grabs my coat, I grab his coat and see him swing a right hook (wide) and I turned my head and ducked and he popped me on the back of the head.  I turn back around, he still had my coat and he took another swing.  Again, I turned and ducked and didn't feel anything.  Then I slipped and hit the pavement, saw his other friend run at me and I thought to myself "I'm about to get the crap beat out of me..."  His friend grabbed my arm, I spun off them both and made a dash in my socks across the street to the Shell station.  I ran through traffic and around the other dude...I was running so fast towards him it probably freaked him out.  Ran in the shell station and the man behind the counter let me in to call the police.  When the police came, they said, "Welcome to Detroit."  

And now I know why Detroit is considered America's most miserable city.  When a witness walked by as I was talking to the police, she said, "I thought you were running with those boys..."  They must have been close.  I said, "No mam, I was running away from them."  Technically, it's not their fault.  If we had a fairer tax program that redistributed the wealth to these criminals, they wouldn't have to jump people before the holidays.  We all deserve a little more money than month, right?  I kid.  

  

So now I can laugh about it, but at the time it wasn't so funny.  I'm lucky they were only throwing punches instead of using guns or knives.  So for all you readers, know your surroundings and when in doubt, run!